I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
