Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
