Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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