he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
