I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
