glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drunk walkin through police station. America
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
