I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
