i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
