Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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