I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am naked and annoyed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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