i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
