Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
