Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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