You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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