Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
