Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
