How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sarcasm needs its own font
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
