You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is not my ceiling
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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