I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
