Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
