Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
