I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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