why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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