At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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