I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
