i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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