she looked like the before picture.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I intend to get homeless drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
