a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
