white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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