Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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