When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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