update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
