$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
