at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
