I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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