I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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