i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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