Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
