i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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