I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We left the knife in your bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
