so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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