Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
