I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
