There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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