Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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