Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
