I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
