I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to sanitize my soul.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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