So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
