I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
