And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
