Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
