i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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