Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
