Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
