I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
