Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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