he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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