Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
