If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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