At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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